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POLICEMAN: Whoever did this sure made off with a bundle.
POLICEMAN #2: Hmm...
POLICEMAN: Well, I'm stumped. Froyo?
(They walk away. Enter Batgirl)
BABS: The police don't realize this isn't your run-of-the-mill jewel thief. A master criminal is at work here.
KAREN: What makes you say that?
BABS: Call it a hunch.
(sees question marks)
BABS: I knew it! The Riddler! One of Gotham's most devious villains! Here, in Metropolis! And you know what that means?
KAREN: Our city's going down the tube?
BABS: Batman won't be far behind! AHA! The riddler's MO is to leave a riddle that gives clues to his next crime.
KAREN: What kind of master criminal leaves clues to help stop his next crime?
BABS: Hmm... what is always on its way here, but never arrives? Hmm... the answer is Tomorrow! It's so obvious! The Riddler's planning to steal the prototype of a thera-magnetic wave generator from Metropolis Museum's World of Tomorrow science exhibit!
KAREN: You got all that from one riddle?
BABS: It's all here in Batman's book: "You Got All That From One Riddle?: Cracking the Code of a Criminal Mind".
KAREN: Hmm...
BABS: This is perfect! Once I singlehandedly catch The Riddler, Batman will be sure to notice me!
RIDDLER: Riddle me this: which criminal genius will make bank with this baby on the black market? Me!
(Batarang comes out of nowhere)
RIDDLER: What the- No, no, not you! This is why I left Gotham! Hey, you're not Batman.
BABS: (deep Batman noises)
RIDDLER: Wait, what did you say?
BABS: (deep Batman noises)
RIDDLER: I'm sorry. One more time?
BABS: Ugh! I said "Time's up, Riddler!"
(Riddler is caught)
BABS: Batman?
ROBIN: And that's how Robin caught The Riddler!
BABS: You? I caught the Riddler.
ROBIN: That's not how the rope tells it, sister.
BABS: I tracked him down. I mean, how'd you even know he'd be here?
ROBIN: I didn't. It so happens my class was on a field trip here today. I left my favorite comic book in the can and I Just came back here to get it.
BABS: Listen to me, you little-
(Batman appears)
BABS: Oh my gosh, it's you! It's really you! I am your most biggest fan! I have so many questions! Is it true that you have a T-Rex in your Batcave? What ratio of Potassium Nitrate do you use in your smoke bombs? Oh, and how many miles per gallon does the Batmobile get? City and highway? (beat) Right. Down to business. Let me just say it was an honor catching one of your archnemeses.
ROBIN: Don't listen to the poser, Batman! Your old buddy snagged the bad guy!
BABS: He's lying!
ROBIN: Am not!
BATMAN: (indecipherable grunting)
BABS: What'd he say?
ROBIN: He said nice going, Wanna Bat. You let The Riddler get away.
BABS: Wait, Batman, I can-!
ROBIN: You really blew it this time, huh?
BABS: You think you're so big in your little green chainmail underwear! Truth is, I'd make a better sidekick than you'll ever be!
ROBIN: You? Better sidekick? Oh, that's a good one! That's rich! Oh, you're serious.
BABS: As Batman himself.
ROBIN: Oh yeah? Prove it!
BABS: I thought you'd never ask.
(in a dark alley)
BABS: This contest will prove which one of us is the better sidekick once and for all. It's simple: who ever apprehends the most lawbreakers in one hour wins.
ROBIN: Hey, Snoozy McBore-to-Death, while we're young?
BABS: Starting... NOW!
(Babs catches a Bank Robber, Robin catches an old lady.)
ROBIN: What's the matter, Grandma? Too good for a crosswalk?
(Babs catches a teen hassling money from someone else, Robin apprehends a guy in a burger joint.)
ROBIN: Store policy: NO OUTSIDE FOOD!
(Babs catches Giganta)
ROBIN: It's about time, slowpoke.
BABS: Prepare to lose, twerp.
ROBIN: Let's see, one, two, three. Not bad, but I got four!
BABS: Wait, these aren't... I mean, what law could a fish even break?!
ROBIN: Ha! Not only did I beat you, I had time left over to choreograph my own victory dance! L-O-Z-E-R! Who's the worst sidekick in the world by far? You are! You are! Ah! I pulled a hamstring! What did I ever do to deserve such searing pain?!
(Babs rolls her eyes as Robin starts crying. One of the criminals gets away, but Batman comes by and throws him in the dumpster.)
BABS: Batman!
ROBIN: Hey-ya, Bats! Look! I just caught seven bad guys on my down time!
BABS: (grumbles)
ROBIN: The Riddler's next clue: What has branches and leaves but no bark? A tree! No wait, a silent dog! A silent dog tree!
BABS: The answer's a LIBRARY! He's planning to steal the Ancient Volume of Puzzles from Metropolis Library's antiquities room!
ROBIN: Ow ow ow ow! Looks like the old R-dog took one for the team when he was taking out those bad guys.
BABS: I can help!
ROBIN: What is this? Amateur hour? Hey Bats, you hear what I- Bats?
(Back at the DC Superhero Girls hideout)
JESSICA: Was anyone under the impresssion that when Babs suggested we have a spring cleaning, she was actually going to be here to help?
(smoke bomb)
DIANA: Heads up, team! We're under attack! Show yourself, fiend! Who are you?
BABS: Who am I? I am darkness. I am night. I am Ba- (coughing) Still working on the voice. You are never gonna guess who Batman asked to help catch the Riddler! Time's up. ME! And once I help him crack this case, who knows what's next?
KARA: I know what's next: the bathroom.
BABS: Oh, I totally forgot today was spring cleaning. I got so carried away with The Riddler. I just came home to grab some- A-ha, There it is!
KARA: (clears throat)
BABS: I'm sorry. It's just... this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It's my dream.
DIANA: Babs, you know we'd never stand-
BABS: Thanks, bye! Leave me something to clean!
(mansion)
ROBIN: Yo, Fred! Where you at?
(Robin does some stuff)
ROBIN: Look who's back in action!
ALFRED: Yes, and I was ever so worried.
ROBIN: Time to show that Riddler a thing or two. Where's Bruce?
ALFRED: I'm afraid Master Bruce already has a plan to catch the scoundrel. It pains me to say, dear boy, he has enlisted the aid of another sidekick.
ROBIN: No, no, don't say it.
ALFRED: The Mysterious... Batgirl.
ROBIN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
BATMAN: (indecipherable grunting)
BABS: No, sir. I don't see any sign of the Riddler. Hey, how do you squat like this for so long? I am seriously cramping up.
(Batman hops away)
BABS: Whoa! Pins and needles! Pins and needles!
RIDDLER: It was almost too easy!
BABS: Almost?
RIDDLER: Ah, ah, ah, I came prepared this time. You see, I'm leaving with my puzzle book. Riddle me this: Bat... er... people. Put an A in front of my name and I'm awful. But put a D A before it and I can do know wrong! What is my name?
BABS: Huh, easy, bomb. When something's a bomb, it's terrible, but when it's Da bo- Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! BOMB!
RIDDLER: Take another step for me, and this entire place is wired to blow. All with the press of a button.
(They step towards him.)
RIDDLER: I mean it! Not another step!
(They step towards him again. The Riddler tries to let go of the book, but his hands are stuck.)
BABS: There's just two problems with your plan. That's not the real book, and that book is covered in Batglue.
BATMAN: (indecipherable grunting)
RIDDLER: No! I can't go back to Arkham!
ROBIN: Put the book back, Riddler! Hey, what gives?
BABS: He got away!
ROBIN: Might not be the best time to bring this up, but I'm gonna dip into the petty Bat Cash for some new gloves.
(Back at the hangout)
BABS: Woo-hoo! Who's ready for the best news ever?!
DIANA: You found the secret to removing blueberry stains?
BABS: Batman is seriously ticked off with that twerp, Robin, and he's asked me to be his new sidekick! I might even move back to Gotham! I mean, I'll have to talk to my dad, maybe I can stay with my uncle Al, but that'll all be worked out.
KAREN: So, does that mean you're quitting the team?
BABS: Quitting the team? No, no, no, I'm not quitting the team. It's more like I'm... leaving the team for the forseeable future.
JESSICA: Uh... I fail to see the difference.
BABS: Look, I know it's sudden, and I'm gonna miss you guys so much, but this is what I've been working for my whole life. Can't you at least be a little happy for me?
DIANA: Of course we can, Barbara.
(The other Superhero girls walk over to her and give her a hug)
KARA: Mmm-kay, um, we can probably let go now.
BABS: I know. I want to. I think my Batglue might've leaked.
(Batman on a building. Babs joins him.)
BABS: Now, what do you say we track us down a Riddler?
(Babs and Batman mumble incoherently to a bad guy. Montage of them taking down bad guys)
BABS: This is the happiest day of my life.
(Back at the hangout)
KAREN: Babs! I need your help circumventing the nova matrix again!
(All the other superhero girls pause and look at her)
KAREN: Oh yeah, right.
JESSICA: The Metropolis Iguana Project is holding a rally to protect the Blue Iguana and I need a good slogan. Ugh, Babs was always so good at these.
DIANA: Chins up, sisters. While Batgirl's abscene weighs heavily upon each of us, we must fight on! That is why I have taken it upon myself to find a hero to fill this tremendous void! A hero who brings the same levity, exuberance, and zest for life that Batgirl always brought. That is why I am thrilled to reintroduce... Katana!
TATSU: As your teammate, I will hold each of you to the same unattainable standards that I hold myself.
DIANA: Isn't she great?
(Cut back to Babs)
BABS: You think the tip we got on the Riddler's hideout was wrong, Batman? It doesn't look like anyone's been here for years.
(Batman shines a light on the crates)
BABS: These crates were moved recently! Hmm... It's a jumble! Quick! "To steal the king's treausre, I must first steal the job of gasoline. How shall I proceed?" Okay, think, what does gasoline do? It makes a car go... car go... Cargo! He must be gonna steal the king of Markovia's treasure! It's being transported tomorrow night via cargo truck!
BATMAN: Hmm...
BABS: Yes! Score one for the good guys! Hey, I know! Me and my team always go for ice cream after a victory like this. What do you say, boss? My treat.
(Batman escapes through the window)
BABS: Batman?
(Back at the hangout)
KARA: Okay, so apparently, we fell way short of Katana's standards and she quit after our first mission.
JESSICA: I like Katana. She's just a little... intense. I mean, look at the placard she made.
KARA: So, this new applicant may be a bit unconventional... but I think she's got potential.
KAREN: Wow, it's great to have you. I just know we're gonna be friends.
BIZARRO: Bizzaro not here to make friends!
KAREN: (screaming)
KARA: Probably should've mentioned Bizarro's really into opposites and "friend" means "enemy"? Well, live and learn.
(beat)
KARA: Okay, Bizarro! Leave it! Leave it!
(Back in Gotham)
BABS: Babs, old buddy. This is the life. Chasing bad guys, working with your hero, eating ice cream.
ROBIN: Hey, come on! Big time Superhero here! You sure you don't got nothing you need saving? How about you? Hey, don't walk away from me! I used to work with Batman, you know! BATMAN! Oh, it's you. What, you come to steal my new headquarters, too?
BABS: Don't you have anywhere else to go?
ROBIN: Well, sure, I got all kinds of offers. In fact, Superman just called and asked me to be his new sidekick.
BABS: Really?
ROBIN: Hmm, let's see... he's a demigod who can move planets with his pinky and I'm A TEN YEAR OLD IN ELF SLIPPERS WITH NO GLOVES! SO NO! NOT REALLY!
BABS: Oh.
ROBIN: You know, I see you. You got friends. All's I got is Batman. I mean, all's I had.
(Babs offers him her ice cream cone. Robin takes a lick then spits it out.)
ROBIN: Ew, what is this? Sherbert? What kind of sicko are you?
(Back at the hangout)
KAREN: This could be the possible concussion talking but maybe inviting Bizarro down here wasn't such a great idea.
KARA: Duly noted.
DIANA: Perhaps we were foolish to believe we could ever replace Batgirl.
SELINA: Isn't that... unfortunate? Sounds like this little kitty missed tryouts.
KAREN: Catwoman?! How did you find our secret hideout?
SELINA: Darling, please.
JESSICA: You want to join our team?
SELINA: I know we've had our differences, but I've really come to respect all that you've done for our fair city. Let's just say you've inspired me.
DIANA: If you truly are sincere, grant us time to consider your offer.
SELINA: That's all a girl could ask for. (picks up Katana's sign) How about... "I wanna save the iguana"?
JESSICA: (gasps)
ZEE: I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but maybe it's not such a bad idea.
JESSICA: Wait, where's my paintbrush?
KAREN: My wrench set is missing!
ZEE: Someone took my costume jewelry!
KARA: Pfft. You guys didn't seriously just let Catwoman steal from right under your noses, did you?
DIANA: Kara, where is your S?
KARA: COME ON! Ugh, alright, no one can know we fell for this. Especially-
BABS: Fell for what?
SUPERHERO GIRLS: BABS!
BABS: Oh, I've missed you guys! I can't stay long, the Riddler's gonna try and steal a treasure tonight and I need some... supplies? Karen, what happened?
KAREN: Oh, that? I asked Bizarro to help me fix my proto-oscillator.
BABS: But you know to her, fix means...
KAREN: Break, yeah. I know that. Now.
BABS: Was Katana here? Wait... are you replacing me?
KARA: No, no, no! We're not replacing you, Babs! We're just trying to find a substitute, you know, for the forseeable future.
BABS: (whimpers)
DIANA: I trust that this is okay with you?
BABS: What? Okay? Yeah. Totally okay. Well, I should get what I came for. Wait, where's my, and my... a whole bunch of my stuff's missing.
SUPERHERO GIRLS: (speaking indistinctly)
KARA: It's not like Catwoman was here or anything!
(Back in Gotham)
BABS: I've got eyes on the treasure, Batman. No sign of the Riddler.
BATMAN: (indecipherable grunting)
BABS: Copy that. Any sign of trouble and you'll be the first to know.
(truck drives away)
BABS: We've got movement. I'm in pursuit. I can't believe I'm doing this.
ROBIN: (on phone) You? How'd you get this number?
BABS: Listen, twerp. If you wanna get back in the big guy's graces, do exactly as I say.
(Babs hops from building to building)
BABS: I don't get it. What's the Riddler up to? There's no other cars on these streets! But that doesn't mean there's nothing under them!
(Riddler pops out from under a manhole.)
RIDDLER: I'm afraid I've left myself with quite the riddle! How shall I spend a king's treasure?
BABS: Hello, Riddler.
RIDDLER: Oh, really? Oh, not you again.
(Babs moves out from the shadows to reveal that she is tied up.)
RIDDLER: What in the world?
BABS: Batman, I found Riddler. But- oof! Wait, he got the jump on me! I'm done for! Help! Someone help!
RIDDLER: Okay, I've got to admit that, for once, I am the one who is stumped.
ROBIN: Riddle me this: who is a bozo?
RIDDLER: Uh...
(Robin punches him out)
ROBIN: YOU ARE!
BATMAN: Huh?
ROBIN: Ta-da! Then I said "who's a bozo?" Then he's like "duh, I don't know." And I go "you are!" Killer riddle, huh?
BABS: Well, sir, now that your sidekick is back, I guess my work here is done. It was an honor.
ROBIN: Bet you're glad to have me back. I mean, Wanna-Bat was lucky I was there to save her bacon. And let me point out, I figured out where the Riddler was gonna strike all by myself! Nobody secret tipped me off or nothing!
DIANA: Welcome home, Barbara!
BABS: You know, being Batman's sidekick was pretty sweet, but I gotta say, it's good to be home. I missed you guys.
KAREN: Aww, we missed you, too.
(They all hug her)
BABS: Speaking of stuff I miss, time I switch back to classic Batgirl purple. Hey, wait a sec, where is my purple cowl? Seriously, guys? Did we get robbed or something? Because entirely too many things have just up and disappeared. And who steals a purple cowl anyway?